I just finished replying to DUG on another post, and now I see this one.  Different topics seem to float to the top of the posts list.  I'm not sure anyone cut right to the core of what DUG was asking.  I haven't done anything except be on this forum.  (I like to think it is enough.  :-) )  I haven't gone to Alanon (Salmon) or even AA.  Again, I'm going to play Devil's Advocate.  You've had this person in your life (this is generic, not directed at you personally, DUG) who has borne with you through the drug use.  Certain coping mechanisms went into play.  Why on earth would you think that the person who endured this now has to make the same life-long commitment to -anon groups?  We HAD our life.  (I'm going to sound harsh, but it's just part of the dramatization.)  WHY does YOUR life-long problem have to become OUR life-long problem?  Yes, we are in relationships, and we care about the user.  It IS a life-long problem.  I'm not going to go to Al-Anon or Narc-Anon.  "That's HIS problem," to quote your wife, DUG.  If my boyfriend wanted me to, I think I would, to help and support him, though.  Loved ones CAN get sucked up into the world of recovery as much as they can get sucked into the world of addiction.   Some of us don't want to get sucked up.  Some of us have other things to do.  Some of us worked hard or are working hard on surviving with an addict.  I can totally relate that when an addict loves somebody, they want that person fully involved in their recovery.  That too is a sucking in of a person who has best learned to deal with life on their own, while their addict was using.

So what happens when clean?  I think that is what you originally asked about, DUG.  Maybe I'm not the best person to answer this, given the day's events, the posts about which have not appeared.  The addict/former addict knows what is going on in his mind.  The loved one doesn't.  Trust is a major issue.  It will be hard for the loved one to ever trust you again, much as you are sure in your own mind that you have conquered meth and moved on.  (I think you said somewhere that you were interested in loved ones perspectives.)  I agree that there might not be support groups for loved ones whose addicts have been clean for a while.  Maybe that's because they've been moving on with their own lives, and aren't seeking support groups, don't want to spend their lives dwelling on the issue.  I do feel for you (plus you have a dog picture :-) ).  I love reading the success stories here.  I wish they could apply to my boyfriend.  I think there comes a time, whether the former user is free or not, that the emotional investment just takes too much out of the loved one.  I'm sorry to say that.  If people are engaged in active, vibrant relationships, then there is hope.  That sounds like your case, DUG.  You are interested in maintaining the relationship.  Others of us might not be so lucky.  I will be glad to share "loved one's perspectives" to any user/former use who is curious.  Others have it a lot worse than I do, though.