That's a really amazing story Joker's Girl. So glad for you and your husband. I don't know your story but I'm so glad this is the ending.

I agree that kicking someone out and virtually making it impossible to be honest for fear of that is harsh. I don't however know the whole story and I know I too gave my husband ultimatums (that I never kept until he was violent). He always tells me now he can't tell me anything because of how I handled it when he confessed that he was in withdrawal and having a hard time. I probably did not deal with that well. Admittedly. But I tried and did the best with what I had. And I knew I didn't want that life for my kids so yes, I told him I would be done if he used again. But he knew when he married me I couldn't deal with that and wouldn't raise our kids around it. And I tried to get him to seek help and he didn't want it. Told me where to go many times (still does) for even suggesting outside help. So I don't know that there is any real good answer here.

You can only take so much and if you don't want to live with active addiction you have to draw the line. It is hard to not be too harsh while also not being too forgiving...and it's really a catch 22. Everything about this disease is, no matter what the substance of choice is. It's really just a damn hard thing to deal with. I never would have kicked mine out or left for one slip, the problem is knowing when one will lead to two to three to ... And I'm still supporting his a** so clearly I just don't have the heart. Most of my loved ones sure wish I did though.

And I have to take exception to the thought above that Phoenix mentioned about the loved ones problems being the addicts problems. That may be the case sometimes, but not always. Some of us bear the brunt of all of the problems, theirs, the addict's, the family's, and would happily do so and do whatever it took to assist with recovery. Not much in life is black and white.