Mamaisitarose, as parents and grandparents we are always torn...what it comes down to is can we physically, emotionally and mentally handle what has been placed before us? Sometimes the answer is no. Nothing wrong with that. So no you aren't a bad person, you are trying very hard to be a sensible one.

I noted in your original post when you spoke of your niece being willing to caretake the kids with full custody, there may be a legal problem with that scenario since your daughter has not lost custody of her children at this point. Excepting for that issue, it makes sense for the children to be placed with her, since she may be better equipped to handle them health wise, and from an energy perspective. Young children have a lot of energy and it's difficult for an older person to keep up, let alone one that isn't in the best of health.

I also noted that your posting says NA. NA is the program for those who are addicted that aids them in recovery...I am hoping it is a typo and you meant Naranon or Alanon, which are support groups for those who have loved ones who are addicted.

Yes, families are affected by the addiction of one of their members, it's a family disease. However there are treatments and support for not just one portion, of the 'equation' but for all, and one may seek out help at any time, whether or not another seeks it.