Yea it is cool. I didnt realize how phucked up i was until today. In 9 days ive gained back 15 of the 30lbs i lost, my temper has died down dramatically and i recognize me again. Not some evil looking, sometimes happy, sometimes pissed off but always evil looking shell of a twin. I look at pictures taken when i was high and compare them to me now. I can see the difference, just in my eyes alone. Before was an alert, untrusting, evil look. Now i can see hope. And im not speaking metaphorically. I literally mean i can see the brightness, the hope, the real happiness of me again. Things like sharing working on my truck with my son. Yea i get irritated and all but i dont get the intense, "has to be done now phuck you and everything else goddamit why wont this part fit, throwing chit across the garage screaming and yelling as i beat the chit out of it ok now its good" focus that 1-alienated me from not only my family but the neighbors as well 2-broke more parts than i probably fixed to begin with and 3-caused more arguments that further alienated me from my family. Instead i looked at my son and said "im getting tired how about you?" "Yea, its way passed my bedtime dad" "yea i know, but you dont have school tomorrow and since youre helping me, who's gonna say youre in trouble? Me? Haha" i honestly was and am tired. Something i havent been in a year other than the other times i came off, unsuccessfully. Well i have 30 minutes til day 10 starts. Im off to bed. Thank you everyone and Carol, i owe you my life. Ive never met you but i love you for the help and support youve provided me. Im always in your debt. Ill say hi to you guys sometime tomorrow.

Last Edited By: Shattered nightmares Jan 10 14 10:34 PM. Edited 1 times.