Thank you guys and girls. Day 8 and counting. The wife and i are starting to actually get along again and she's supporting my going to NA. For instance last our daughter needed to be picked up from gymnastics. She asked if i could. I said i was planning on going to a meeting but would if she needed me too. She said "no, the meeting and your staying clean is more important than what i have to do, go to the meeting and i'll see you when you get home." I asked if she was sure and she said yes and to go. So i did. We talked about the meeting when i got home. It was kinda cool. They did this grab bag thing with poker style chips and on them were different topics to discuss. I drew relapse. Go figure. To mean another relapse means death. Im surprised i survived this last one or didnt kill someone. Seriously. And life in prison to me is death anyways. Thats how im approaching this. It IS a life or death decision for me. I have no problem dying in the course of my job. But I WILL NOT KILL MYSELF through drugs or any other means. When my time comes, i want to look back and want my wife and kids to look back and say "my dad/husband was a good man. He made his mistakes, lived his life how he chose to but in the end, was an honorable and good man." I dont want them to look back and say "my dad/husband died a junkie." They deserve better than that. And they will get it.