Evensteven3Hey Shattered - does it occur to you that Phoenix immediately identified you might have some concurrent disorders going on. eg this behavior and anger may be a mixture of ptsd and meth ? Dont bite the hand man.From what your saying getting help might be imperative.


I dont know what the answer is to your job predicament but it is often said in recovery that those things we place above our recovery will be the first we lose. I`m not even exactly sure i understand what all this piss testing stuff is about. I thought you had stopped using ? If you stop using for even a couple of days it would make all those numbers irrelevent.

i stopped using last night. I flushed what i had left. Destroyed the pipes. Deleted any and all messages, number and calls to/from my dealer. Then pulled all the deleted files off my phone and put them onto my computer. Then deleted those as well. Pulling deleted info off a phone is easy. I dont have or have access to the software required to do the same to my computer. I also went through and put my dealer's number as a blocked number. Now i have no way of contacting and vice versa. This morning when i read phoenix's message i was already pissed. You made some valid points and at least steered me in the direction of research. Thank you. Please accept my apology. 
Ive struggled with anger issues my whole life. Funny thing is, on meth, nice and high im horny and happy. But then theres those times i do too much, like when stress builds up  and ill literally do an 8 ball in a 24hr period.
Based off the research ive been doung today, i would agree that i put myself into some sort of meth psychosis. Thankfully, im not at the point where it continues for days after my last use. A good nights sleep and 12hrs between uses usually cures it. Which also explains why it primarily happens during the weekends. That being said, while i feel ive identified the diagnosis, and two cures. One cure is not an option. Reduction in use. This i cant/wont do. The other cure, abstinence all together, is my only option. Im sticking by it. Its been almost a full 24hrs since my last use. Today i was tired, sore, cranky, pissed and starving. Tomorrow will be the same. My family is my motivation. Am i placing anything above my recovery? No. If it becomes absolutely necessary then yes, i will check myself into rehab somewhere. That being said, tomorrow is my last day off and then its back to 16-18hr days and since i dont have any in the house to use, saturday becomes my first big test. My plan is to change the oil in one of my trucks, pull the steering pump in the other, go to the gym and maybe take the wife on the harley if its not too cold. Those should take all day saturday. I have tomorrow already scheduled with very little down time.