Thank you to both of you. How the hell do I deal with this anger? I'm pissed now that I flushed it all AND deleted my dealer's number and all associated text messages. *+!% me! I'm glad I'm alone right now otherwise it'd hell to pay for the first person who said the wrong thing. God I have to get a grip. I have to go to my son's doctor today and have his medication changed. I can't go in this state. I hate this knowing what wrong and right and not being able to control myself. Its like the real me stepped back and is watching this monster take over. The battle in my head back and forth. I wish I could get into my skull and rip this @*!$ out of me! Constantly seeing @*!$ out of the corner of my eye. When i turn to see its not there. The sirens I always hear. I can't tell the difference anymore between whats in my head and if the cops are on the way until whatever emergency vehicle finally passes my house or where ever I happen to be at the time. There's a hospital next to wal-mart. I can't go there anymore because of the sirens!