Thank you Liveswithwolves, I agree. I TRY to stay positive and kind, realizing everyone is going through their own personal struggle. Kindness and and understanding and sometimes just a "we're here for you" or "you are not alone" is what is needed.

Kursed and Jokersgirl, you reminded me of when I was caring for my mom who was ill and had dementia. I always wanted to maintain her dignity and make sure she felt that she was still a vital person. Early on when she was still able to care for herself, it started with her driving. I knew she shouldn't drive but knew telling her was not going to work. I would talk to her several times a day and take her to all her apts. When she would tell me she needed to go to the store, for instance, I would say, I do too, why don't we go together, I'll pick you up. As she became less capable, she would start to fret about something like watering the yard or feeding her dog, who had passed years before, I would just go along with it, smile and tell her I took care of it. I would see instant relief in her eyes. Depends were never diapers, they were panties and I called the caregiver and hospice people her friends who were there for a visit. All of this was because she insisted she could take care of herself and hospice scared the crap out of her, since we had them for my sister who died of breast cancer. There was a lady she shared a room with in the hospital once. This poor thing was very confused and combative, thought she was in a bad hotel and just wanted to go home. The nurses kept scolding her and telling her to stay in bed and telling her she was in the hospital. In their defense they were very busy, overworked and understaffed. I sat between my mom and her, went along with the hotel thing, talked about the beautiful view and catered to her wishes. Was it a lie, sure. But it calmed her immediately.

Wow, I don't think I have ever written about that. Anyway, yes kindness and understanding goes a long way.