You know, last week I had to go back to the town where I became addicted to meth, and where my 13 year addiction played out.

I met up with a friend of mine whose husband was one of my main connects.  We found each other via Facebook last year, and I was thrilled beyond words to learn that she had been clean for 13 years. 

But when I saw her last week I knew that something wasn't right.  I couldn't put my finger on it, but I knew something was wrong.  The more I talked to her the more clear it became that even if she was clean - not using - she was still very much stuck in that life.  It was very apparent that she had not worked a program of recovery.  She was still very angry, very bitter, very unsatisfied with life in general, and with herself.

One of the first things I was told to do when I got clean was erase the word blame from my vocabulary.  I had to own it all - every last thing that resulted from my addiction. 

Recovery is the pursuit of personal growth.  It isn't just showing up at meetings.  IT IS WORK.  IT IS HARD WORK.  It is learning to actively practice the art of BRUTAL HONESTY with oneself, and with others. 

What should you do?  I do not know, but you can find the answer by pursuing your own personal growth.  There are support groups to help guide you, such as CODA, NARANON, ALANON.

Regarding relapse - It's been almost 16 years, and I haven't relapsed yet.  Relapse is not a requirement for recovery.  It happens, yes.  But it doesn't have to.