What goes up, must come down . . . and down, and down, and down. It seems like my deepest insecurities are coming to the front of my mind and I can't stop them. I feel like the worst person in the world. Not just for using, I understand that's the addiction, etc. I can't really describe it. I've told you that I always here voices when I use. When I lay my head to finally sleep in a couple of hours, they're going to come at me full force. I'm going to hear my friends and family talking about what an immature, socially inept, man child I am. Everything that I'm afraid I am, will come at me in the voices of the people whose opinions and approval I value the most. The worst part is, I will never know for sure if they're just hallucinations or repressed memories of things that I overheard while I was with them and decided to forget, or the voices of my family seeping up through the vent as they talk about me and everything they loathe about me. I still don't know. I hear them now, floating at the edge of my hearing even as I sit in the middle of the living room with my family all around me. I know when I lie down, they will be more than almost overheard voices at the edge of my hearing and come at me at full volume. It's so scary. I'm sure that some of you have some idea of what I'm talking about. The hardest part is believing the voices.

Now I know this is all my fault. Because on day 12 of quitting, they were mostly gone. Today, though it's been 12 hours since I've last used, and I've eaten and drank lots of water since then, they're going to be loud. Oh so loud. So loud I won't be able to close my eyes without them keeping me awake. I know it's all my fault, I shouldn't have used if I knew this was coming. I know I have no right to ask this, but if someone reads this is the next two hours, will you please, please give me some words of comfort? As much as I know I deserve this night of Hell, you could really help me get some restful sleep if you can tell me it'll be okay.

Thanks so much, I love you all.

~~Oblivion