@ Flavious, even if this question is just because you're watching family guy and a little bored I still think its a good one. This is a question that plagues loved ones. So... here's my two cents (or three).


1. Is the person in 'active recovery'? If so, then I believe the person needs support, not distance. The term 'recovery' was defined well on the boards recently.

If the person is not in active recovery then I think the loved one needs to assist in outlining a 'pathway' to recovery for the person. By this I mean attempting to help them understand their addiction and ways that they can get help and therapy.

The the loved one needs to set clear boundaries and expectations (of following the outlined pathway) and if the person does not meet those expectations then the loved one must separate themselves.

2. I agree that it is impossible to be in a committed relationship and not directly or indirectly 'enable' someone. You share a house, expenses, food, a bed etc etc not to mention the emotional stuff. Your lives are to a degree entwined, even in the healthiest of relationships people share their lives.

3. I don't think people should separate from a partner with expectations that this will be 'the key' to recovery. I think people should separate from a partner when they have exhausted other options, their partner doesn't want to face their addiction and is not ready for recovery.

4. I have heard stories from people where separation has brought about the 'rock bottom' that turned their partner's addiction into recovery but I have also heard many stories where the person with the addiction simply moved their addiction to another 'residence' and continued on the way they were with little thought for the person left behind.

Each relationship and situation while sharing many similarities is still unique. Addiction is like a disease, if you love someone of course you will want to and should help them to help themselves (not 'fix' them) but you need to have clear lines drawn.

This is still a process for me, I separated 3 weeks ago from my husband after living with his addiction for over 5 years. I separated from him because it would have destroyed me not to, I left it too long, I didn't have clear lines drawn. When we parted i didn't expect him to have 'that moment' and lucky I didn't because until today he is very very angry and hostile and unwilling to face the problem that is his. What he does in the future will be his choice and for him.