~*~Merry Christmas Everyone~*~

Thank you so much for your support. 9 days clean today. Wow, this seems endless doesn't it? The cravings seem to be getting worse instead of better. Last night (my main Christmas celebration) was tough at times, but at other times it was FUN. There were actually times that I was enjoying the whole pointless charade. 2 weeks ago I couldn't imagine enjoying Christmas. I hated my family, I hated myself, yesterday was fun. There were some minor squabbles, my buttons were pushed, things that may have blown into full fledged, Christmas ruining fights if I were high or coming down. Instead, I walked away. I smoked a cigarette, I fumed and by the time I was done with the cigarette I was better. There was even a time after I made an insensitive comment about someone I love and I thought that I ruined Christmas that all I wanted to do was quit quitting and find some way to find something at 9:00 PM on Christmas eve. I didn't. I finished my cigarette, I didn't worry about ruining Christmas and I went back inside and I enjoyed the rest of the evening. It was amazing. I don't know about tomorrow, but for today, and for yesterday, and 8 days before that, I didn't use.

Thank you so much everyone. Especially you Carol, who didn't abandon me when I hated you as much as anyone. I didn't believe you when you signed your replies: you friend. Today I do. And to you Traveler. If it weren't for your writings when I was just a creeper on this site, I would have never gotten the courage to post. And do you LivesWithWolves, that one piece of advice gave me lead me to the moment of clarity that I promise I will never forget. Thank you all, I could have never without you.

Tomorrow is a new day, and I'm going to post every day still. New Years is the next big test for me. If I can get through New Years, I think I may have this thing beat. If I can't, I know you won't hate me. For now, Just For Today.

--Oblivion