"Place yourself as just an observer." Thank you so much for that. From that, I realized that I've been too emotionally invested in other people for way too long. Long before I started using, it was my greatest flaw and I Never realized it. Last night, laying in bed after I read that comment, I had a moment of extreme clarity and fell asleep to mind at peace with the world. Thank you. I realized that anybody, from my best friend, to my family, to some random stranger walking down the street had the ability to bring me to rage, tears, ecstasy, soul crippling anxiety all with a comment. Not even a comment, a look or an action that I perceive as approval or disapproval, disgust, admiration, all of this from other people that I should have no emotions invested into.

In school, I used to have to wait outside for the bus and I was so lonely inside, I wanted so bad to be part of the group, instead I stood back and watched. I observed as if it were a TV show that I had front row seats to. It made me a bit insensitive to the suffering of others, they were just characters, but it got me through high school without getting TOO emotionally involved. Then someone actually cared about me, someone showed me an act of kindness and interest and I loved it. I loved the emotional high, then heart break, and I loved that emotion too. Well, I didn't love getting my heart broken, but without realizing, I loved the emotion. Just another addiction. Today, 8 days off of Meth, I give up my addiction to emotional highs. Thank you.

~*~Merry Christmas~*~
--Oblivion--