Day 7 - Wow, a week clean. I find myself remembering the peak of the high when I'm sitting alone in my room begging god to make the voices stop, writing in a notebook just to keep my mind occupied, and I don't want that anymore. Still, as scary as that was, and as hard as it is to believe that those writings, the cravings are still there? I don't get it. I heard voices every time I used, and I still crave the stuff? That's not fair. This stuff is bad! Three teeth broken off in my head, selling 2 cars, moving away from a town that I had come to love just to get away from the stuff, going backwards in life for 2 solid years, and The Voices, and I still crave? I just don't understand it.

Still, tomorrow's Christmas eve, and as much as I'm dreading it, I'm going to make it through. 8 hours in a house with 13 people all of whom I resent for some reason or another and who all resent me, it's scary. I'm not going to enjoy it, but I've spent enough money on those people just to gain their approval and praise (which I'll never get). Still, I could take it all back to the store and forget about it all. NO, I'm not going to do that. I've invested too much time and emotion into this, hell, I've invested my entire life into getting their approval. No, I'm going to get through this. I have to. One day at a time, right.

Oh, and thank you for listening to my rant . . . at least I'm back to worrying about issues other then when I'm going to get high next.

~*~Merry Christmas~*~

--Oblivion