Day 6 (continued) . . . I'm not hungry all the time, I don't want to sleep my days away. I think my body is recovered physically from the abuse I've put it through. Emotionally, I'm still anxious, I'm afraid. I notice when I'm high, I'm not afraid to die, but when I'm sober, it's my deepest fear. Kind of ironic, sobriety equals a longer life but afraid of death, being high shortens my life but I'm not afraid of dying. Of course when I'm high I have to deal with the voices, the paranoia, yeah, I don't want that. Now I guess I have to deal with my fear of death instead of running away from it. Now there's a scary concept. Still, I have to enjoy the holidays. The other thing I avoid when I'm high is loneliness. I hate being lonely, I hate fearing death. Wow, I don't want to deal with these issues, but I'm going to. I'm not going to run away from them anymore.