Well your getting ahead of yourself there . Step 1 is kind of where your at by the sounds of things . Making amends doesnt come untill quite abit farther down the line. Asking about sponsership might be a great help because they can be your guide through the steps.

For me personally the "powerless" admission took quite a while. I understood it to some extent but it was when i admitted deep down inside that i could never drink or use drugs again that the compulsion started to lift. I always had reservations - for instance thinking "if i beat this or get control of it i`ll probably be able to have a beer at a barbaque in a few years[months] right ? " . I was always reserving a place inside to do it again thinking i could somehow get a handle on it or "fix it" . When i finally made the admission to myself that it had controlled and beaten me - then i could stop fighting and i felt a weight lift.

If i believed i could control whether it rained today or not i would be in a heated battle every day of my life and misery would ensue . When i believed i could control my addiction the same thing happened . Now i leave both to a higher power and pursue the one thing i can control and thats what i choose to do for my recovery - and only just today. Go to a meeting , call my sponser , work the steps , do the next right thing - dont listen to the voices in my head which are often yapping about yesterday and tommorow.