Day 2. I'm so sick of being hungry all the time. This morning I ate 1600 calories worth of frozen burritos then 3 hours later I stuffed another 1000 calories into my 300 lb frame. Why? They sterotype that all tweekers are skinny is totally wrong. I'm over 300 lbs! If I quit, quit, then I'm gonna be over 400 when I'm done, then I'll be that much closer to death. Also, they anxiety. I hate it. So worried about what other people are thinking of me, all the time. The approval seeking that is bad when I'm high, and before I started using, is even worse sober. I'm back to counting the days till I can get high again. I'm not going to ruin Christmas by showing up high, or without any presents, or broke. No, that's not gonna be me this year. Too many of my "friends" have alienated themselves from their families so much that they're barely going to call them on Christmas. I will not ruin Christmas for my family. Still, I'm counting the days till the paycheck after Christmas. Half of it will go to rent, but OMG, that first hit after two weeks will be amazing. It's only been 2 days and I want it so bad. If this were a normal week, all I'd have is two 1/2 more days till I get more. Now it's almost 10 days.

Wow, this is hard. 2 days ago, coming down and scared I decided to quit for good, for my family. Now I'm struggling to quit for two weeks!