Thanks Carol, that really means a lot to me. You knew I was coming down, and feeling a bit paranoid and you told me exactly what I needed to hear. You said from my family's perspective, it's a loose, loose situation. I don't understand that at all. It seems that by confronting me, and pulling it out of me, and maybe, maybe help me quit, it would be a win, win situation for them. Can you help me see it from their perspective? But you're right phoenix, Meth addicts ARE capable of caring about anyone. Why would they ever quit, or decide to quit, if they didn't care about someone?

Today. Today I didn't wake up craving it, though now I am. Today I woke up excited about today for today instead of how close it is to payday and how long it will be until I can use again. Now of course, I want to use again. Something about Phoenix's comment made me realize that even the nicest, most caring things can hide contempt in plain sight. Still not sure what that means, maybe the lingering affects of the come down.

Randomly, today I was reading Craigslist missed connections, and it seems like they all could have been about me. More delusions? Probably, but this one touched me:

"I tried talking to you and explaining that friendship was a two way street but you didn't listen. So today..I had to tell you good bye. You didn't even seem sad. I guess I wasn't your friend after all. I'm heartbroken but you'll never see it. "

How many friends have I lost that way? Do I have any left, or am I reduced sitting at a computer alone in my head talking to the only people that can really know and understand?

Anyway, thanks for everything. . . Talk to you tomorrow!