Well maybe we should find what does and excite and motivate you. I admit the first 2-3 years clean flew by, it was really just about regaining my sanity. It's been 7 years this spring or maybe this winter. I think I relapsed the last time in Feb of 2005 now that I think about it. I can't remember ever scoring after that. But anyways ya.... I found it hard to dream again until recently. Maybe my dreams have been too big. Going through some ++!% right now for sure. I am going for a run, that will make it better.