Love yall too.

I dont know what my problem is. It will pass. It will go away. It's just a rough week.

I know if that person would have pulled something out and offered it to me i would have done it in a heartbeat. That was what I thought was going to happen, at the time.

Its just a notion that I get at times where it is like 1) this time would be different I would just do it for a weekend and quit 2) i just let it get out of control 3) i would just like to feel it one more time 4) if i could do it one more time it would get it out of my system.

It is just feelings that arent true, i think they are true in my mind but I know they cannot be. I dont want to have a mess again and be any crazier than I am. Look how crazy I am. Just think what another few years would do. LOL Another thing is I don't know, if it backfired, if I could go through the misery of quitting it again.

I thought about getting some other stuff because somehow I have the (incorrect) notion that if I would do ANYTHING but crystal it would be ok. But I just need to stop it. The last time I was doing the other stuff I was blowing (LOL) $600 a week on it and all it did was piss me off.

I need to just STOP it.

I just dont know why it hits me all of a sudden like that though. All this mess.