Thanks KnownFear.

I love you too Debs!!
You're always in my thoughts.. the bestest to you!!

I've used dope one night in the last 18 years.
I set myself up for it too.

I hear ya KnownFear... I can hustle up money like nobody's business... it's been going the honest route that's been a challenge. I can't say I haven't taken advantage of an opportunity to get ahead but I won't go the drug route... so for me, it's staying honest that has to stay in the front of those thoughts in my head. I might be broke at times but really, it's like a challenge in itself to stay on top without bringing up those old skills.

During the time I used, I went through those relapse steps without missing a beat.
First I got a hold of an old user friend. Now, I stay away from active users bc I'm a fiend and I know it. I say, "pig" bc that's how I feel afterwards.
Next, I moaned and groaned about the situation I was in and it was a situation I'd put myself in. Now, I stay out of people's personal affairs. I still keep an open door policy but I'm far less inviting.
Then, I made sure I had alone time and I would be free to recuperate the next day.
Then, the dreaded connect... had my $$ and my fit.. the rest was tweeker history!

What I learned from that is that I have to stay on top of my situationS!!
I have to accept what life brings, like deaths and illnesses.
I finally got it into my head that I CAN live a real life with my illness and it's not the end of the world... it's gonna keep spinning with or without me.

I think I'm really learning to accept the things I can not change.. like crooked perverts that want my time and money... but I can stay away from them bc there are more good people out there than bad, I think so anyway... I''m talking about people I've worked for or invested $$ with.
I can change certain events in my world. Eating well has done wonders as has getting out more and more.
I know nobody can change another person. Each person really has to learn to be honest with themselves and admit to their shortcomings and man, addressing those shortcomings can be work.. sometimes a lot of work.

I was told by some drug counselor that the average # of times a person relapses before they finally quit is 6.

I have a few friends that finally quit and have like years of clean time now.
One is on what they're calling a dry run or something like that bc he's still scandalous like when he was using... in other words, he's still hustling up a living and although he's kept his clean time, he's still a part of the drug $$... one other dude actually works for a rehab and rents to his son whose a known dealer.

I guess we all have lines or boundaries that define our recoveries differently.