"I am trying to get help, I know I cannot get better on my own. Every time I use I beg God not to let me die and promise never to use again, but two days later there I am smoking up again. "

it is called you are not in control of the universe or life..

your not dying for a reason..your suffering is not in vain brother...there is a lesson from everything we go through...im constantly learning..and constantly asking for forgiveness of failing..

life is good