Robby, are you afraid to want to recover?

There are a lot of reasons to be afraid to jump into recovery with both feet. You might fail. You might let other people down. You might have to lower your expectations. You might feel horrible for not being able to do what other people were able to do. You might seem like a failure to yourself or your wife. You might lose all of the rationalizations you've had for years for excusing your own behavior. You might waste other peoples time. You might waste your own time. It might hurt to be sober while trying.

There are a hundred reasons why jumping into recovery with both feet is terrifying.

Staying on the fence, however, has some other options. You might fail to recover, but then again, you knew you woudnt make it, so no need to lower your expectations. You might die using, but at least you didnt get anyones hopes up that you wouldn't. You can get some kudos and feel better about yourself for considering recovery, but you wont have to actually give yup the drugs, go through life sober, risk failing miserably, waste peoples time, and suffer learning how to live all over again.

You can stay on the fence forever, giving yourself that out of relapsing whenever it gets really hard to stay sober. You can find a little bit of self-worth when trying some recovery, but then you can still always say fck it whenever you want, because you always gave yourself reasons why you wouldn't make it in recovery anyway.

You have to decide to give up all the reasons why using is a valid option if you want to recover. Half measures availed us nothing -- I know that will sound familiar to you. No half-measures, Robby.

You will have to give up clinging to all the reasons why you wont recover to find the reasons that you can recover.