Phoenix , Thank you. I never had anyone say such words like that to or about me . It is true what you say about me. I am angry, frustrated, and confused and I know that makes others feel this way too.. I want people to understand and realize that I am not full of crap, that I DO try. I appreciate all the words you wrote about me ... you are right on. I do feel stuck and torn between the using life and the sober one. I feel no hope. When someone like you that has not always liked me says you support me and understand it helps so much.

Thanks Phoenix.


Kevin,

I do not say that everyone does not recovery .... what I say is I see countless addicts who have used for years and continue to do so ... seen people in CMA meetings who are newcomers every week, see people die from this addiction and then read the stats and see that while there may be hope to recover, not everyone can. Yes I had about 2 years clean but I feel I lost it and right now the desire to get high and escape myself is greater than the desire not to. The desire to live is great but the desire to use manipulates me to keep getting high. My reality.