Oh so now Travis you are against me again .... just because a few LAME ass people are talking down to me you change your tune and don't believe that I am trying. Well no matter what Rocket or lax or desert says I AM trying and doing the best that I know how. As far as coming here spun, that is what is BS . People in meetings would NEVER tell someone not to come when they are high. I didn't come here spun, I came here coming down. Why would someone come to an anti meth board while high, that would just ruin their high. Just like i always went to CMA meetings right after I used, not during using. I find it truly messed up that people like LAX and Desert can talk down to me but the moment I come back and say what I really wanna say I will get banned. They can talk shyt to me but I can't defend myself ? If I say to a mod that they are attacking me then I am paranoid. What BS that is. I come here doing the best that I can trying to stop using. Not everyone can get it right the first time or the ten thousandth , the point that should be made is that I KEEP TRYING. So if keep trying to get clean and acknowledge my faults and so forth is BS and smells like crap then I guess I do. I guess I am full of shyt... So Travis you can place all your bets on me not getting clean and your probabally right, so if it makes you feel better to bet against me and follow the "IN" crowd then have at it. I will continue to post my struggles and my progress ..if I use I will come here and vent , if I don't I will come here too ..no matter who tries to put me down saying they are better than me just because they are clean. Just remember everyone that ANYONE can use at any moment , whether they have 100 years or a day. I will continue to do my best and just ignore the haters. I will NOT let a few people ignite the rage in me again that caused me to be banned from here many times and attempt suicide. I will continue to fight my demons reguardless of what people think of my efforts. So what if I don't get clean for another 20 years... at least I am trying .