Little glimpses of clarity I do have although the obsession to use even when it does not work just does not seem to go away. I woke up feeling like crap today with awful rash and my memory is very vague. I have forgotten a lot of late.

I am going to try to get out of crash mode and clean the house and then take a bath to clean up and then try to go do something productive. I used to be a meeting junkie, I had a period where I was totally into the program and it worked but of late I cannot seem to get to meeting, my mind makes us all this excuses.


Oh how I have been down this road for so long ... I wonder if it will ever get old .