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Tweekerland Meth Speed Bumps
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Posts: 3117
Feb 23 11 9:16 AM
You drive your car up onto the neutral ground if it rains steadily and heavily for more than two hours.You have flood insurance.
Someone asks for an address by compass directions and you say it's Uptown, downtown, backatown, riverside or lakeside.
Your burial plot is six feet over rather than six feet under.
You can pronounce and spell Tchoupitoulas.
If someone says "Magazine," you think street instead of periodical.You get on a bus marked "cemeteries" without a second thought.
You take a "right-hand turn" instead of a right turn.You can cross two lanes of heavy traffic and U-turn through a neutral ground while avoiding two joggers and a streetcar, then fit into the oncoming traffic flow while never touching the brake.
You know the definition of "dressed."
You know better than to drink hurricanes or eat Lucky Dogs.
You visit another city and they "claim" to have Cajun food -- but you know better.
You know that a po-boy is not a guy who has no money, but a great-tasting French bread sandwich.
The four seasons of your year are crawfish, shrimp, crab and erster.
Your 3-year-old child comes home singing his latest nursery rhyme: "Alligator pie, alligator pie, If I don't get some, I think I'm gonna cry. Give away the green grass, give away the sky, But don't give away my alligator pie."
Someone at a crawfish boil says, "Don't eat the dead ones," and you know what they mean.
The smell of a crawfish boil turns you on more than Chanel No. 5.
You berl crawfish and fry them in erl. Don't forget to pack the uneaten tails in ferl.
You're not afraid when someone wants to "ax" you.
You have no idea what a dragonfly is, but enjoy watching mosquito hawks fly near the lagoons in City Park.
You don't learn until graduate school that Mardi Gras is not a national holiday.
On Christmas Eve, your daughter looks up in the sky, sees Santa Claus and yells, "T'row me somethin', mistah!"
You were in high school before you learned that the two major religions aren't "Catholic" and "public".
You haven't been to Bourbon Street in years.
You have a special set of well-broken-in shoes you refer to as your "French Quarter" shoes.
Every so often, you have waterfront property.
Your last name isn't pronounced the way it's spelled.
That brown bag you take to the Saints game ain't your lunch.
You know that "Tipitina" is not a gratuity for a waitress named Tina.You have to buy a new house because you ran out of wall space for Jazz Fest posters.
People tell you that they have known you since you were knee high to a duck.
You can ask for lagniappe and not feel guilty.
You reply to anything and everything about life here with, "Only in New Orleans.
You're out of town and you stop and ask someone where there's a drive-thru daiquiri place (then they look at you like you have three heads).
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