A while back (several years ago) I posted this on the message board. It was during the time when I neither mentally, emotionally nor physically healthy. I am actually amazed I put this together. Perhaps I was able to do it because I had just one thing that was left quasi intact:  my basic survival instincts and that was all I had left to deal with the tsunami I helped create. I re-post it here, maybe you can use it, it if not no big deal.

The posters thus far have given you an abundance from their strength and experience all you have to add to the mix is hope. No one can give you that... it's the one thing that must come from somewhere deep within... Look inside - it's there - and perhaps is your most powerful weapon against all that opposes you. And remember : what man intended for evil, God WILL turn to good.

Kind regards

What follows is the post I spoke of. The Question was: How do you over come being co-dependent from a meth user"


"I don't have an answer for the hurt or how to make it go away. I think the hardest part of being co-dependent, is letting go of the emotions. There is no website that will be able to erase this...it is a journey that you will have to walk. However you can make the journey equipped with a better understanding of yourself and the tools available to you to facilitate the journey. Accept the fact that you will have to grieve the loss very much like you grieve when someone you love dies - and in fact someone did - the illusion of the man you thought he was, has died. Now all you can see is the real person - the man as he really and truly is, not whom you believed he was.

In my case the abuse/addiction was such that it became life threatening for me and I had to move out of state... completely across country...

However even after having moved I realized that certain events, places even aromas, foods etc could literally transport me back in time and I would become overwhelmed with feelings of intense sadness and profound emotions. Enough to make me double over...that's how intense the pain was/is.

I realized that I needed to avoid emotional triggers. Here are some things that I did that lessened the gut felt pain from within. I share them with you, perhaps they might help you as well.


1- Until I became emotionally strong where as these things did not trigger any emotion at all, I avoided all trigger points that would bring forth a flood of emotions or memories of him. That is to say I avoided listening to the music station we used to listen to together, changed stations when songs we liked came on, didn't watch TV programs that we both watched, avoided going to places we went such as restaurants, supermarkets, Wal-mart etc.

2- Until I moved, I avoided driving on the same roads we drove. For me that was very possible because we lived in a large city. I stayed away from his side of town.

3- I avoided any and all friends that we shared. I literally terminated all contact with them.

4- I avoided the urge to 'find out' anything about him, how he was doing, etc. Zero contact.

5- I absolutely did not call him, and deleted his number from my cell phone.

6- My cell phone company was able to suspend my voice mail so when he called, a) I didn't answer and b) he was not able to leave any voice mail.

7- *When I moved, I did not leave any forwarding address information with anyone but the post office.

8-I goggled the internet to ensure there was no way he could pull up information about me such as my phone number or new address. If a site had my information, I wrote to them or did whatever was needed to ensure the information was removed.

*If you can not move, you can change your number make sure if it is a standard line that you get an unpublished number - then don't give it out to anyone. I use call block on my cell phone and home phone.

9- I gave myself permission to grieve, I acknowledged that my love was misplaced, that I lacked judgment when we 'got together, and that now no matter what or who 'changed' we could never be together again. (After some time, I was able to accept that it was over period and that both he and I just needed to move on for our own well being.)

10- I prayed that God would remove the love that I felt for him and place it as far as the east is from the west. And I prayed for him, that God would heal his heart, mind and soul thus enabling him to seek help for his addiction. That God would take whatever hurt and pain we caused each other and turn it into good...

What I have learned is that I deserve much better, I deserve to be loved first...it is not a privilege but my God given right...and yours too.

I pray God wraps you in his arms and lets you feel the love you so richly deserve...may he heal your pain and remove the hurt...so you can blossom into the woman He meant for you to become.

NOTE: Even if you are not a victim of abuse I would encourage you to visit those websites that address abuse; some of the information that they have is extremely enlightening - at least it was for me. Having read most of these sites gave me a broader picture of what was happening to me as well as understanding others in particular 'him'. "
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                             


UPDATE 2010:   There will be a season where you feel that you are just living, but it shall pass because there is so much more to merely living.  Your destiny is to become alive again!. I look forward to hearing and 'seeing'  one more miracle, one more person who has recovered from the collateral damage of addiction by enabling themselves and their loved ones to feel free and alive! May God lead you in this journey.  When in doubt, just do the next right thing.   One step at a time, one day at a time and just for today.



Last Edited By: Nameless Dec 7 10 1:16 PM. Edited 1 times.