traveller wrote:
Feel compelled to add...

The more I sit with the idea that the family is beginning you not to go...

The more my stomach sinks.

That feels really... like a really dark request.

From very sick people.




They are as sick or sicker than me, T. This man has been a trashcan junkie since he was 16 yrs old (literally shooting dope at 16). We have all watched him trying to slowly kill himself over half his life. They (his family) thinks that I am his savior because when he is with me is the only times he's been halfway clean. We have all been on this merry-go-round for 25 yrs. And they are deeply religious.......they simply don't understand the concept of tough love. Every single time the man has ever went to jail (numerous times - with 5 prison terms) they have paid GOBS of money to get him home. Every time his father and I talk he tells me that is his baby boy and as long as he is breathing he has to have hope that he will get clean. Hell.....I promised his mother on her death bed 2 yrs ago that I would never leave him again. I promised that woman on her death bed that I would take care of her men (husband and boys). And I have. Now I've made peace with her......because I know she loved me......and I know that she would not want me to live like this. But now I have to make peace with the idea of leaving the others. I have to in order to save myself........I just do.