jg,

I suspect that the only who is going to "crawl your ass" over this... is you.

My belief is that in situations of emotional distress -- people don't do things they WANT to... The do what they HAVE to. They act as their particular souls need in order to survive the pain at that instant...

I don't say this to condone one behavior or another. I say this as a way to understand one's behavior. And it sounds to me like your Being just reached that moment where it snapped. So you struck out, physically.

Based on what you've shared life has been like for you, I can easily see you reaching this point. I mean, we are human. We have limits. And when those limits are steam-rolled over we are going to react like the living, feeling beings we are.

I SINCERELY HOPE

You can focus on the second part of your post... And that is how you are reacting NOW to what happened in that moment. This is where you as a person get to have your say about what happened. Your actions now are your chance to show what that encounter meant to you...

And it sounds to me like you are reacting in an incredibly positive way. You are looking for a new house... You are realizing that you have the power to keep this from repeating and escalating...

And, if memory serves me, that is a huge departure from what you've written before.

FOR MANY OF US

There is a moment where our "life with addiction" pushes us to act/react in a way that finally allows us to see the scope of the madness. It's as if for a brief time we get to step way back and see ourselves and the life we are living. A glimpse without all of the emotions that usually blind us to the full truth. Often, that glimpse reveals a stark and soul-draining little world that is only growing smaller.

HOW YOU GOT THERE - OR WHAT YOU DID IN THE HEAT OF THE MOMENT

Those don't matter. You have a future ahead of you... And the past is gone.

I HOPE YOU WILL REMEMBER YOUR GLIMPSE

And continue to take action to get yourself out of it. For me, a fog quickly returned after my glimpse... And I then had to stick with my plan on blind faith, when all my feelings seemed to line up against me.

FORGIVE YOURSELF

You deserve to leave this hell now.  You do no good here, for anyone.

-t

P.S.

They say all things in addiction are progressive...  I'm thankful you didn't do worse to him...  And thankful he didn't strike back at you with all the rage Meth can invoke...

Please take that gift and use it to get out of there.

Last Edited By: traveller Dec 6 10 10:42 AM. Edited 3 times.