133..

mmmmm...way heavy, so intense...makes my stomach hurt baby..

i know..
i need help

with a few days strung together..and the big move today..i feel powerful enough to just move and let go..until again, it resurfaces in a conversation..flashback..nightmare..i dunno..

day by day..

i know how smooth of a lie my head can play..and she is already trying..


MKU..thank you so much..we all good..i was a dyck way to many times to count..

<<<<<----------angry...

after years of going back to dope..*sigh*

i was looking back at my five years in Hemet this am..

i went from shooting dope..to losing my kids..to be confined in a fcuking institution..to :

a year and half sobriety...having a family..getting all my kids back..

to today..losing five kids, a relationship, my home...back to dope with four days put together in a row..of NOTHING..


im sad for this cycle..it is the one that has been non stop for 25 years...
after leaving home at 15, here I am 39