my guru..

knows im mentally ill...and knows of the best facilities in SF..which will be close to me..

id rather go somewhere i know people..who know people..and I have options..

then just try to roll up somewhere and not know nobody or nothing..

i dont trust me..

nobody knows what to do with me..

not the va shrinks...rehabs..meetings..

im not getting something..

i have got to get some time before I trust my own judgement..which im not sure I can make my own judgement...

i did my best with my sponsor joni p..and she died four years clean...and around my 15 month mark..

my best clean time was through NA/AA with a sponsor..

she always answered my calls..she never made a big deal of my drama..she was exactly the same as me..sexual abuse survior..blah..

and I trusted her...i went to her with everything...


she was a one of a kind lady...