Your story is similar to mine. My idea of what a healthy relationship was far from normal as my partner descended into the black hole of meth. Take the advice of others on here and fix you. Al-anon is extremely helpful for me as was counseling. It's hard I know to let go, but every day, it's gets a tiny bit better. I know. I was there. Cut off all communication with him and start over. You can do it. We are here for you! This board helped me a lot. Sometimes you can't see the damage until you remove yourself from the storm. Good luck!