once apon a time wrote:
DAM AND I SAID I WAS GOING TO WALK AWAY ON THIS ONE!
But I just can't help thinking that we are here to help others
So what if Robby is Rachael and we were to help Rachael,
wouldn't we be helping them both or him or her, I'm so confused.
All I know is, if Rachael isn't Robby by chance we have lost them both.
And I for one, just can't do that or this, its tearing me up.
Hugs OAAT!

I just wanted to share this with you...so it may help ease your mind and heart....

My mother is BPD...when you are dealing with BPD, NPD, HPD....ASPD....etc....it is sooooooooooooooo much like having to deal with active addicts.

You have to flip the way you'd normally help someone. You cannot handle or help them the same way you would a healthy person. Many times, what we view as help is actually harming them...

For instance, my mother is what has been referred to as a Hermit Borderline....one of her BIG tendancies is to blow everything out of proportion....she hears about an accident, and in her mind, she heard that the accident was right by my house and a car that looked like mine was involved....she acts without being able to think....she calls everyone getting everyone in a panic. I've learned to not listen or to stop her by presenting her with FACTS.

When they lash out, like splitting people, projecting, transferring, etc.....it actually harms them to take their bait and play the game....to engage with them. If they are needy for attention and lash out, the last thing that is beneficial is to play into it.

They FEAR abandonment yet will create a reality where people can't be around them...thus in their minds, they justify everyone has abandoned them. They cannot see their behavior/reality....it would go against the nature of the disorder.

For some on this board, who have been able to understand that they are BPD....they are VERY fortunate because with therapy and med's they can keep it under control somewhat.....my mother has no awareness of herself....she will most likely die the way she is....and it is very sad. But there is nothing I can do except protect me and my children and love her from a distance.

So, ease up on yourself..no matter who "rachel" is or isn't.....you are actually helping by not feeding the sick need.