Take a break already. This is going nowhere.

Robby, Please remember that YOUR MIND LIES TO YOU. YOUR THOUGHTS are NOT always true or based on reality.

Everything you think and feel right now, you should doubt, and shouldn't trust.

People are not mean to you here. Your thoughts lie to you. You think and feel things that are not based on facts.

This must be exceptionally frustrating on your part. Like living in a world where everyone speaks a language you don't understand, and the translation book you have is wrong. You look up a phrase, try to sort out what it means, and get the wrong info in return. You react to that wrong info, and this just makes the situation snowball. It gets worse and never better. As long as you keep beliving that you understand the truth, when everyone around you concurs that you don't, you will be frustrated, confused, angry, and probably a little scared.

I can completely understand not trusting strangers on the internet to tell you the truth.

So seriously, with all the love in my heart for the addict who suffers, please, please find someone you DO trust who WILL be honest with you, and you can take their word as truth no matter how much you think or feel it might be wrong.

You know that when your mental health declines that you simply CAN NOT rely on your own mind for direction. There is a reason you are disabled, right? Becuase you are sick. Being sick, you are going to HAVE to rely on people you believe are well to help you. If you had a broken leg, you'd need help to walk. If you coudln't breathe, you'd need some oxygen. If you had a high fever, you'd need some medication. What you have is a mental health issue, and as such you need help processing the world around you in an accurate manner. Otherwise every decision you make is based on lies.

How scarey that must be. It must continually bite you in the ass. Like trying to fly an airplane based on incorrect coordinates and the wrong user manual. Like calling 911 and getting Time Warner Cable Customer Service. WTF? right? You try to process the information around you and make a good choice, but every day everything keeps backfiring.

Surrender, Robby. Surrender that you need real, serious, major help just getting through the day right now. The faster you get help from people you trust who are able to nevigate the world for you right now, the faster you will get better and not need to rely on others so much.

You may always need to rely on others to some extent. That's OK.

Fighting those that would help you off only prlongs the pain, confusion, and fear.

Surrender.

Please?