I have heard many people in recovery say before that feelings are not facts , that they are not real ... but I do not believe that to be true .. my feelings ARE real , they are all that I have that make me , ME . So, you saying that my feelings are lies is saying that you think that just because you have supposed "clarity" that you are better than me , because if my feelings are lies then why are your feelings not , or anyone else's for that matter... what makes your feelings more true than mine ?

When I want to stay clean (because I go back and forth every hour between wanting to use and wanting to stay clean ) are my feelings lies then too ? When I hate myself because I am ugly and stupid , are they lies ? It really does not matter if you think that my feelings are lies , they are MY feelings and they should not be dismissed like they don't matter. I am who I am and nobody can change that ... people should try to understand me rather than change me ...

Lisa , I got through last night without using .... my wife looked at funeral homes and caskets online because she says she has to prepare herself if or when I die from using, I stayed up crying with her because she insists that if I use once more I will die , maybe she is right , I do not know. Today we have to go try to get a box of food as we are out for the month and no money , the stress of our dire finances and my feelings about myself (hate myself most times ) make me want to use more ... Yes, I know that using will only make things worse , but just how I feel. I REALLY want to lose my desire to get high again and lose my glorification of the using lifestyle and just be clean , but it just seems to get worse and worse every damn day.