Great idea Cali - I know for sure I have had some bad and awful experiences on the garbage know as Tina .. Starting a thread about the worst experiences on speed is a good idea ...

I do get moments of clarity folks ... I get moments when I DO remember the hell I went through for 4 years using and trying to stop this drug ... I get moments (just had one ) where I know that using would be the worst, devastating mistake I could make ... I know that it is not like I would use once and the obsession and cravings would be gone .. problem solved. If I use it will be on and I will be off to the races and destroy myself and everything around me ..... the obsession really is powerful , I know people have felt it ... many people are just so used to being clean that the obsession has left them but it can always come back and that is what happened to me ...

For some reason my brain is glorifying the using life - deep down I know there is nothing good about it ... but I just feel trapped by my thinking .. I have tried to change my thinking but nothing seems to work ...

To be honest - I am scared to use and really feel powerless to stop this ...