I Robby am willing to listen to directions and suggestions ..


That isn't what I asked.

I asked if you were willing to FOLLOW the directions and suggestions of sober people you trust.

For example, I suggest that today you do these three things:
1)Go to a meeting, get there early and see if you cen help set up chairs or make coffee.
2)Go to the animal shelter (in person) that you used to volunteer at and ask if you can start up again.
3)Ask your wife how her day is, have a conversation about her.

These three things should take up about 3 hours of your time, and may, for even brief moments, give you something else to focus on other than your feelings.

Just do it. There is absolutely NO drawback to following these suggestions. You can not persue using and do these three things simutaneously.