she tries to stop me and take the computer but I take it back ..


Stop doing that. You have at least 2 sober people telling you that you don't need to be that close to triggers right now.

The right sponsor right now is a breathing and sober sponsor. It doesn't have to be perfect, you just need a sane sober person to help you make some crucial decisions about how you spend your time right now.

She's good to "drag you" to meetings. I'd suggest you be at every possible situation with a room full of sober people as well. It doesn't even matter if you're not even listening or participating. Every single minute you spend doing something other than using or setting up a deal is important.

You need to change your thinking. You won't do that if you keep doing the things that lead you to this mindset in the first place.

How do you do that? You do what sober people you trust suggest.  

Robby, are you willing to follow suggestions from sober people?