Robby i dunno what to tell you but I am up and down like that all of the time. I thought it was like that for everyone to some extent.

Some days I will feel real good and positive. Other days I want to do drugs and obsess about it for hours. Sometimes I will text people trying to find them.

I hope someday i will not think about it as much. I would like to go a whole day and not think about it. I don't know why it has so much of a pull on me. Sometimes I feel like, I am getting well, feeling good, doing this thing. Then I will have a bad day or be depressed or lonely or something and I will think, I don't care anymore I just want to do this.

Working helps to keep my mind off it, and I have taken up a few hobbies in addition to working a lot. Think of your family, too. I try to think about that some. Go for a walk.

I'm not trying to make light of it, I know it sucks bad! Hope you feel better soon!