My computer is really slow, but I think I was writing at the same time you were, (a cawinkydink) (sound it out there's no spell check for that one), but I think my reply still fits. And so does this, you got so much going for you and have a heart the size a 10 people. And if looking for a new job is what you need to make you happy and whole, I think you should see what might be out there. But please don't look for an occupation with drugs to change your life backwards, from the forward that you've work so hard to get to. It will get better, I promise, just like you told ME.