The one time I touched a needle, a friend had melted down some of his colonopin [sp] and I blacked out for 2 days. I had drank and popped more pills during that time but I noticed when I thought back to it I was sort of fascinated by it. The pipe doesn't do much for me anymore. That is why I'm worried about him relapsing and bringing it around me. I am not strong enough right now to watch him ruin his life or back away from going down with him. I KNOW that the minute I use with a needle, I AM GONE. I will become that nasty dope %%!!+ that doesn't take care of her children or worse, ends up in a looney bin. I am afraid.

He has been doing good, for the first time in his life actually held a good job for more than 6 months [he's 29 and been on ridilin his whole childhood and turned to meth at a young age]
He is clean, shares bills with me, helps me in my recovery..

I may be freaking out over nothing. But as far as my dream guy, he IS my dream guy, I just wish we weren't addicts....

I can't talk to my grandmother because she is one of those overly religious stuffing a bible down your throat christian and my parents are meth addicts, my dad a speed dealer and my mom a well..i hate this fuckin word..but a prostitute..just the "nice" kind mind my sarcasm