Thanks for all your responses it means so much to hear your side of the story. I am so torn in regards to what to do...I want to be respectful of him, as a person, in this attempt (not degrade him) but also be firm and have him realize I'm not kidding. As 1tamtom mentioned, almost like a parent-discipling-a-kid-and-sticking-with-it approach.
Do I 1) take the "intervention" approach and have a few people there that I know he looks up to?; 2) just sit him down and tell him I know and lovingly yet firmly, let him know that he needs to get help if he wants this marriage to work? And if he balks at that tell him he is not welcome in our house and make him leave? 3) (the option I know most of you will say "no way" to) wait until the next time he gets angry and looses his temper, get in the car and leave, call the cops to come arrest him?

I know this is the one thing he feels he has control over and probably won't give it up easily. I am worried that if I go with option #2 he will get very angry with me...and am sure option #3 will follow right after the "sit down".

knownfear1-did you get angry with your wife when she confronted you?