It is possible - coping with life without drugs takes a lot of practice. Even 4 years later I still have to work on it. Recovery is a journey not a destination (not to sound like a total cheeseball, but it's true!) and even THAT takes a lot of practice to get used to that idea.

Recovery is layers and layers of stuff - it's not just about quitting drugs. You will find, by making it through those blips of BPD behavior and owning up to them when they happen, staying clean, and assessing what you can do next time you feel abandoned or anxious for more visible progress (having food and money and stuff to show for your sobriety right this minute as opposed to as you EARN it).

Maybe this would be a good time to look for some good self help books in the library. I think the more little tidbits of helpful info and tools you have in your arsenal, the more likely you are going to be able to "reel yourself in" when you start to feel yourself going into crazy land.

At least that is what I had to do. I used to have fits of rage, blind rage, they were scary but at the same time felt really good. I liked being able to SCARE people into "seeing my point of view" as it were - HA. It took an ARSENAL of tools, quotes, thoughts, and other things to help me quiet and PROCESS what causes my rage so I don't blow up. So I wouldn't get stuck in the "deep sea" as my former rehab counselor used to call it.


It's okay to miss drugs. Admitting it is the first step to dealing with it. As long as you remember that drugs aren't the end all be all to happiness, you can know to keep trucking along in the direction you are going. You're finding the solutions, slowly but surely, and we're noticing!

Lots of love,
g