Thanks for checking in, actually, my head is spinning a little....well a lot actually. I keep finding out more and more stuff that really messes with my head. Nikki is still not speaking to me and I am sticking to my guns about not calling her, but to be honest it really is killing me, if I sit too long without something to occupy my mind I get this awful feeling in the pit of my stomach and it grows and grows till I find myself once again in tears. This can't be how things are supposed to be. I know everyone says we have to live our lives and let them do what they are going to do, but like I said earlier, this is all so new to me---even though it's been going on for 3 plus years--it's as if it's just started, for me anyway. Maybe because she was able to hide it-then came clean with me and the vicious circle of lies started...and now she has shut me down. And of course now that my eyes are open to the problems it's like I see the whole world with NEW EYES. I see all the people who are on meth, I am finding out that so many of the ones who went to her and her boyfriend for the stuff are actually my age.. most being people I know. That in and of itself really messes with my mind and just totally OUTRAGES me.
You know that feeling you have when someone you love passes away and it pisses you off that the world just keeps going, you just can't understand it and you just want things to stop....JUST FOR A LITTLE WHILE so you can catch your breath...well, that seems to be the state I am in today. and so........it continues.................................................image