Thanks starfishy for taking the time to answer each of my questions. I really do want to track him down just so he has to look me in the eye. It might hurt, but maybe I need to get hurt more before I can finally let it go....better than limbo land.

Abbey...great idea on the list. I have been going to counseling and have gotten pretty much the same feedback (write it all down), but the burning it and "letting it go" is a nice touch, very dramatic...I love it!

If I never heard anything about him it would probably be easier, but we live in a town where everyone knows everyone. People are always coming to me with "news" like I saw him here with this person, or guess what I just heard? Each time I get a new piece of "news" it's like I have to grieve it all over again. Any suggestions?

Hopefully someday I will have the strength to let it all go, just thought it would already be out of my system by now (I have tried it all) and it's really discouraging. Bottom line is that I miss him and find myself comparing him to all new potential men (the before meth him that is)...somehow I am still making excuses for his meth behavior and have convinced myself that he has returned to be the guy I first met who loved me like no other. I'm in love with a ghost that wants nothing to do with me...how pitiful is that?