Shesh,

That was long. Thanks Secrets, I do have lots of mixed emotions, but feel this is only right.

PEN,

Thanks for everything you've taught me in terms of dealing with our kid's issues. I just can't let another year go by without seeing those I love, and now that my 23-yr-old has started having heart attacks, she sounds ready to listen and make changes. Also since she's in outpatient, hopefully she has finally begun a true recovery program.

Also, I don't expect my father to live another year - he's just in such poor health. It would be nice to spend time with him and get to know him finally. He was a good provider, but was either working or sleeping most of my life. He is a dead-ringer for Jack Nickleson, and self-proclaimed 'crudest man in the world.' He is a painfully prejudiced and totally opinionated "Archie Bunker type," but he is softening ALOT since he's getting ready to "check out," as he puts it.

I plan to make it very clear to my mother that I WILL spend time alone with my father, (for the first time in my life,) without her hovering over us. If that hurts her, well that's tough. If that doesn't work out, well that's where I was raised, and I have a good number of friends who are thrilled that I am visiting, so I can just hop a bus and stay with them, or even change my ticket and come home early, but I think it will be okay. I just have to stand up for myself. Whew, glad I've learned to do that!

Thanks for the well-wishes. I need to break from KCI for awhile too, as after this trip, I have lots of interviews lined up. I'm starting to feel like Sfj - burned out on the whole meth scene (and I never even used it.) Now that my mourning period is over with the ex, (find I could care less what he does/doesn't do and no longer afraid of anything he could do to me,) I want to work on stuff that will advance my career and make me happy. Dwelling on this stuff can get to be a drag.

Blessings,
Starfishy <><