Astrild,

Hi again and sorry things didn't work out too well for you. As a loved one with a similar story minus the pregnancy, (got him 'fixed' many years ago,) and just heard the poor dear is losing the house that was mine before it was his, beat me half to death, kicked me out of my own house, and moved his new bag-o-bones into my bed before the sheets were cold. . .having trouble working up any sympathy for him, image. As you said, we reap what we sew.

Since you asked:

Is he well enough to provide any answers? That probably depends on how much damage he's done to his brain, and if indeed he has quit/abstaining because he can't afford it/is truly working recovery. Just because he has gained weight doesn't necessarily mean he quit using meth. **History does tend to repeat itself. . .

Does he feel any remorse or regret? If he does, he likely will be far too ashamed of himself to apologize, but only he knows. If he is working a recovery program, he will reach the step at which it is time to make amends, but I wouldn't be holding my breath for any apologies (I sure don't, and it's been well over two years now.)

Does he think about me? How could he not?

Does he love this other woman or is he just stuck with seemingly no way out? JMHO, but I don't believe people in active addiction are capable of a true loving relationship, since their main relationship is with the drug. Everything else is just peripheral damage. But hopefully he will love his child, (if it is even his.)

Why hasn't he even tried to seek me out and apologize? My best guess, humiliation and guilt for his own actions.

Did he use meth to avoid me because he already wanted out or did it make him choose between us? An addict is an addict is an addict. I wondered the same about my ex, but what it comes down to is that he chose meth - PERIOD. I no longer feel that is any reflection upon me whatsoever (except making the poor choice of getting involved with and meshing lives with someone who had a 20-yr history with this drug - MY BAD.)

Should I track him down and see if he will talk to me? Why would you want to do that? I can understand wanting closure, but you will likely just be letting yourself in for more pain. I'd get 9'ers opinion. She tracked her ex down after many years, and she was sorely disappointed.

There is nothing stupid about being in love with your husband, but it seems you are taking on so much blame. He probably did you a tremendous favor by leaving. I felt forced to leave mine since he turned from Jeckle into Hyde x 1000. He just wasn't HIM anymore. He probably had his eye (or more,) on his new chicky-poo, and I'm absolutely sure they had more in common than he and I (meth,) and since I am the type to love with my whole heart, I mourned him as if he were dead. image

JMHO, but I wouldn't go chasing trouble. How many times would you be willing to put yourself through this scenario again? Only you can know, but life is short, and I want to be respected and happy. I know if by some bizzarro quirk of fate that I allowed the ex back into my life, I could NEVER EVER trust him again. I would always be wondering when the next shoe was going to drop again.

Of course whatever you decide, we'll respect that and support you. Best wishes, and I certainly hope you just put yourself first in this equation.

God Bless,
Starfishy <><