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My son has been using meth for a couple years now, not to mention his uncle, aunt, and girlfriend all use as well as well the stuff. I tried getting him help
when he was 17, but was told I couldn't force him to do anything even as a minor. OK, so now we still have this meth problem, as well as, he has been
caught with the stuff has warrants for not completeing his drug class, did not finish his jail release time and has borrowed someone's car but didn't
take it back to her when she said to, so now I don't know what charge he'll get for that. All in all, he's got warrants now, the police are
looking for him, and he has this meth problem. I don't know what to do to help him...should he go to an inhouse program, then to the court, or just turn
himself in and hopefully they will let him go to an inhouse program for drug treatment as opposed to jail? I'm can't get all this out of my head, and
I really wish I could have gotten him the help when he was 17 and maybe we wouldn't be here now. Thanks !
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Need advise on meth use, and legal issues
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 SanDslnrs |
Need advise on meth use, and legal issues |
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Posts: 1 (07/24/08 20:26:10) |
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motherglory |
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Posts: 327 (07/24/08 21:00:06) |
Hi, I am a mother of a meth addict. He is finishing a year rehab at Teenchallenge in Pensacola Fla. in August. They have a mens program. He is 30 yrs. old.
He has been on one drug or the other since he was a young teenager. Like you, I tried to get him help. We lived in hell.
He needs to turn himself in and request help with his drug problem. Chances are, they will work with him and get him help. But he has to ask. I screamed it from the rooftops but nothing helped until my son asked for help himself. Things are still a bit strained between me and my son yet. But as I have told many others, Bad is better than it was. And he has been meth free for over a year now. I am bracing myself for the future, and praying it is all really over. Good Luck God bless you gloria |
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oaklandathletic |
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Posts: 322 (07/24/08 21:19:45) |
This is HIS addiction and HE must deal with it...You trying to do it for him or help him will do no good....Your intentions are good but in the end YOU will be
the one has a heart that suffers.....I sooo feel for the families of meth addicts..They want to help but it never works till the user wants to end the
insanity.......the families are the innocent victims of this.......You must let him find his way.....Don't keep him from hitting his bottom.....the harder
he hits it...the better the chances are that he will get some help to beat this addiction..
My heart goes out to you mom...good luck....... Paul |
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OKLastone |
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Posts: 51 (07/24/08 21:45:35) |
Turning himself in would be his best way to go,....personal experience proved that to me. I had a lot of legal issues quite a few years ago, when appearing
before the judge and him asking when I was arrested,...and I said "I turned myself in, I want to get this all cleared up" the judge changed his whole
attitude and it ended up going from what would have been close to 18 months, became 10 days. (I had already been thru court ordered drug and alcohol classes,
well....a long story...the important thing is manning up and dealing with any and all legal issues really worked out well for me personally)
Most courts (not all, but it's worth a try) do understand addiction is a problem and when someone comes forward to deal with their issues instead of being dragged in. They are usually much more prone to try and help. Rehabs are full of addicts who are only there due to a court order and just go through the motions.....So in terms of HIS addiction and problems, Paul is right. Nothing changes untill the addict wishes and works at making the changes..... He's a grown man now, there isnt really anything you can do, although for some, the love and support of a good family does help to guide somone to make better choices. but don't count on it......Be there for him when and while his choices are worthy, but dont allow his addiction and problems to become your burden.....hope for the best, prepare for the worst. Take care of yourself , it's all you can really do. |
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starfishlover123 |
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Posts: 1355 (07/24/08 23:32:10) |
Hi Sand, Welcome to the forum nobody ever wanted to belong to. ^Ditto all previous posts - Let him fall. Sorry, but that's the most kind and loving thing you
can do for all involved. Let him figure it out. Love from afar, do not enable, pray (if you subscribe,) and don't let his addiction eat you alive. Stick
around and keep reading - the stories are all different, and at the same time, all the same. Sorry for your pain, we know it well.
Starfishlover <><
Last Edited By: starfishlover123
07/24/08 23:34:38.
Edited 1 times.
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TenderheartsKS |
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Posts: 1887 (07/25/08 04:08:49) Moderator |
As several others have already said, let him suffer the consequences himself without a cushion underneath him.
I have a 30 year old addicted daughter. We went through family counseling, individual counseling, she was in treatment twice, all this starting when she was 15 years old. Until your son is ready to get help for himself, your best bet is to turn it all over to a higher power and let him fall by himself. |
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GOLDILOCKS |
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Posts: 58 (07/25/08 06:04:08) |
Ditto all of the above--
I am the mom of a 37 yr. old meth addict with a history of drug use since he was 19?? I cannot emphasize enough the heart ache you will go through and the financial, emotional, and physical destruction you will experience until you LET GO! Only your son can make a choice regarding rehab or becoming drug free--all the suggestions, info , pleading, crying, advice, money, threatening, arrests, etc. etc. etc will NOT work until he decides it's TIME and OVER! Stayed tuned in to this forum because it is one of the best support systems you will find-- years of experience from addicts and families of addicts all who have "been there and done that." Going back and wishing will only add to guilt feelings-- please read my posts and the other mom's posts here--- we all speak the same language and have the same stories--- God bless you--- Goldilocks |
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nineyearsclean |
OK, so now we still have this meth problem | ||
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Posts: 7938 (07/25/08 08:26:19) Best Friend to KCI |
No sweetheart. There is no "we" in the equation. HE has a meth problem, and HE has problems with the law. These are his to own, not yours.
I know it is our maternal instinct to want to rush in and help our kids out of trouble, but that - in my humble opinion - is the worst thing you could do for him right now. He needs to fall hard before he's going to realize that he has a problem. It is then that you can drive him to a treatment facility and drop him off. But only then. Until then, take care of yourself and if you have a faith, lean on it now more than ever. That's my best advice. |
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SanDslnrs |
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Posts: 2 (07/25/08 18:12:47) |
I know you're all right when you say I shouldn't enable him. It just tears me up to see him go to jail. I'm sure everyone feels like that too. I
was told byone of the inhouse drug treatments that he can request help and they will give him help before giving him a jail sentence for his crimes. I'm
hoping this is true. I hate the thought of him going to a state prison. I'm glad I found this forum, I'm trying so hard to understand where all this
stealing, lieing, has come from and why he would even think to do such things. I guess with drugs you'll do anything. My older son had a problem with meth
also for a couple years, but he was married and his wife had threatened to leave him, and only after packing up and moving away was he able to get away from
the meth. He's been clean for about two years now.
Thanks for the advise. |
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smilewasmask |
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Posts: 2271 (07/25/08 18:43:02) Forum Friend |
((((((Oh,wish i could reach out and hug you)))))))
Thank God your other son was able to beat his addiction. Maybe he could help his brother out. First tho, of course your son has to desire a life , free from meth as much as YOU want him to be free. I just want to tell you that for me...I felt MUCH Free er , whilst incarcerated , than I felt on the outside when bound by the chains of addiction. My life was transformed ....once I no longer feared facing the consequences and actually faced them..... My local law enforcement saved my life. I would, by all means , follow my heart...if that means to talk to people yourself to make him aware of his options... a program...or jail.... ask questions . Do not be afraid of the Law enforcement...they do work for you. But if your son ends up in prison...it would not be the worse thing that could happen to him..... His problems right now are NOT your fault. His reality is a result of his own choices. You did not cause it. Hopefully , this will be his turning point. It is possible ! |
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SanDslnrs |
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Posts: 3 (07/25/08 19:30:12) |
Yes, I've made many calls to drug treatment facilities, lawyers, the dectectives that have left cards looking for him. The detectives seem less inclined to
help, they're more interested in getting him off the street, but I guess that's their job and the help would maybe come from the court system. I'm
so terrifed of police and courts. I just feel like you have no actual say so when you're in their system. For now, I'll put my faith and trust in God,
and keep on praying... and hopefully, he'll want some help.
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1tamtom |
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Posts: 890 (07/26/08 07:30:58) |
checking himself into a program could help him weather he wants to or not it looks good in court, as well just might help him see clear enough to want to stay clean. |
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blueheart |
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Posts: 355 (07/26/08 08:09:49) |
In the beginning I fought the thought of jail for our soon too, but learned that rehab couldn't accept him while he had an open warrant. It was difficult to come to terms with that but it makes sense now. Our son eventually turned himself in and the judge asked him if he wanted a prison sentence (1-2 months), or state prison rehab (6 months). He told the judge he needed to get well (thank the good Lord) and was sent to state rehab. He has been clean now for one year and four months. While on probation now there are strict requirements and systems in place. God forbid, if relapse were to occur he will be sent back to the rehab program. The 'best' and most expensive programs cannot save your son unless he's ready. One of the first things I learned on this site (from Sfj) was
that there are plenty of free rehab resources available. When your son is ready for help he will embrace a good program, but it isn't up to you to pay for
it. Count your blessings if you are in a place that has one of these programs available.
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1Headlight |
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Posts: 74 (07/26/08 08:15:05) |
Welcome SanDslnrs
My son has been using meth for a couple years now, not to mention his uncle, aunt, and girlfriend all use as well^^ been there ^^ the police are looking for him^^ yep, been there too ^^ I don't know what to do to help him... I really wish I could have gotten him the help when he was 17 and maybe we wouldn't be here now^^ thought and felt that too ^^ My son began using at 14 and we got him adolescent counseling - by 16, he was slamming and in re-hab - at 17, we were doing family counseling........ You name it - we did it. In fact, we (I) did it so well, it allowed my son to become the best addict he could be. He didn't even know he had dropped a ball, because I had already picked it up, spit shined it and placed it back on the shelf. Day 1 of my recovery began by reading the book, Codependent No More by Melody Beattie. The hardest thing I ever did was changing the locks on our house. Well, I thought it was at the time.... Turns out the HARDEST thing I ever did was letting my "child" (who was now a 26 year old man), sit in jail when he was arrested for manufacture. That was Day 1 of HIS recovery. The best advice I can give you is...... let the "dirty little secret" out. Say the words, "my child is an addict" (I know, it hurts like h*ll) The next best advice I can give you is...... work on YOU. You didn't cause it, you can't control it and you can't cure it. He didn't wake up one day and say, "today is the day I will become an addict". Sorry we had to meet this way, but stick around - you will find answers here. By the way, today my son is clean and sober for 940 days  Recovery IS possible!!
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sabino2 |
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Posts: 246 (07/26/08 12:10:44) |
Let me tell you about my personal experience. It took a trip to jail (and not my first one) to finally get clean. I had a lot of people offering to help. My
parents got me lawyers and paid my bail. Friends wanted to "help" me, take care of me and find me a rehab.
At the end of the day it took ME hitting MY bottom. I had to come to the point that I was ready to get serious about MY recovery. All the "help" did for me when I was using was to enable me to keep using and live the lifestyle I was accustomed to. I know it is hard but he has to do this on his own. |
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