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You ladies are "right on." It takes a lot of guts to hang up on our kids, (and parents as well, as I just hung up on my ever-drunken mother a few weeks ago,) but we do have to do what we have to do for self-preservation. We have to give ourselves permission NOT to be abused and not to feel guilty about that, regardless of the inevitable mistakes we have made in our lives. I was divorced and made many grevious errors as a mother, step-mother, daughter, and wife as well, but we cannot change the past, and most of us did the very best we could. Even if we could change the past, it may have made no difference whatsoever. Look at Paris Hilton, Lindsey Lohan, Mel Gibson, etc. . .who have many millions of dollars and every comfort one could possibly imagine. They are no better off than our loved ones, except they are living addiction with a lot more enablers than most.

Being played like a lead fiddle for so long, what other choice do we have? Like Lady says, we'll die in meth hell with them if we don't detach and protect ourselves. Sometimes I think that is the single MOST kind and loving thing we can do for our addicts. Then we can build the bridge and pray they cross it one day - with God's help, we'll be on the other side for them, emotionally and physically healthy ourselves so we can support them.

I'll never stop loving, praying, or hoping, but neither will I be the doormat anymore - PERIOD - not for my children, ex, parents, or anyone else for that matter. Those days are gone, and I often hear my ears ringing, (as I am sure they are MF'ing - pardon the expression - me like crazy.) Not that I don't still grieve or miss them, but I am at that point here at which I WANT TO FEEL BETTER. Life without any addiction has enough pain and trauma, and until they are ready, we need to focus on US and those around us, (if we have any,) who do need our attention. For me, that is only ME. I NEED ME, and worrying myself sick over things over which I have no control helps no one - ever.

Rock on Ladies,
Starfishy ><>